Post by Deborrah Green
Single and loving it is what I profess, but I do not always feel that way, because I want to be married and have a family. I am seeking God in the midst of my singleness while in a relationship and I am faced with challenges, especially after reading 1 Corinthians 7:25-38. I want the hopes and dreams I had as a little girl to come to pass. I have wasted too many years doing it my way and failing it to do it God’s way which produced doubt and I do not want to doubt God!
I want to believe and know with all my heart, God will bring what is on my mind and what is in my heart into my reality as long as it is His will. I may not know when, but I know that as I take the time to prepare, I will be ready when God blesses me with a mate. Being single is a journey. It is a time that I can spend with the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:8 NLT, 8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am.) all by myself until I am blessed with someone who wants to spend time with the Lord together. When I thought I was ready to be in a relationship and it did not work, I learned it was not because I was not ready, but because they were not the right person for me. I was bothered by each failed relationship, seeing that things happen for a reason has kept me seeking God and relying on His word to guide me.
I decided to look within myself to find out what I was doing wrong. I used to ask others and wanted to reach out to other singles and even married couples, but after speaking with God, He has the best answer because He has the blueprint for my life. (Psalm 139:16 NLT, You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.) I want to be happy in my singleness but there are days that are difficult, such as Valentine’s day, not because of the day itself, but because of the representation of Love. I am glad to know that God loves me and it should be enough, but why is it not enough? Is it because of the stigma attached to holidays? I had to ask myself and ask God to help me see what am I really feeling? Is it more important to have a ring on my finger? No, because I can purchase my own. Is it more important to have a man by my side? No, but it is nice to have a companion, a person to love and share my love with.
Then there is the emphasis that society places on being in a relationship because we can either live single and focus on the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:7 NLT, But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.) or we can wait for our mate, chosen by the Lord. There are times that I feel out of sorts as a single woman in today’s society because everything is sexual and there is not enough emphasis to live according to God’s word. We need more support on how to live single with Christ as the center. How to live celibate and wait; not to be in a hurry because we are afraid of being alone. When you say celibate to someone, the response is Celi-what? Yeah right? Who does that? (1 Corinthians 7:1-2 NLT, ……...Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.) I can’t do that. Anyone professing to be celibate is practicing self-gratification. (1 Corinthians 6:13 NLT, ……But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies.) What do you mean wait until you are married? What if it is no good? I used to think that, then I felt betrayal to God, which hurts more for failing to honor my commitment and promise. (Psalm 53:2 TLB, God looks down from heaven, searching among all mankind to see if there is a single one who does right and really seeks for God.)
Trying to get others to see God’s way is not easy, it is a hard conversation to have. Then there are other comments as a woman, I have to endure, but will not accept. Such as, I am getting older; my eggs are drying up; I won’t be able to have a family; these statements cause a person, to doubt and violate their covenant with God as a celibate single.
Singles do not have the support needed to stay true to living a lifestyle in the word and maintaining celibacy proudly because society says it may never happen and we have to seize the moment while we can. I want to trust the Lord with my singleness while in my current relationship, keeping God is first! I am happy he respects my celibacy and commitment to God, but when dating someone who is not celibate, not saved, it is different. It is difficult to listen to other Christians tell you the person is not right for you; the person is cheating; you are unequally yoked; he needs to be saved. It is stressful. It is not in my control. The mindset of the most of the comments make me dizzy, but when I listen to what God is saying, trust Him and read His word. I look for information on Christian relationships and living life successfully as a single Christian which places me at ease. If it is love it should resemble (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 TLB, 4 Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, 5 never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. 6 It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. 7 If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.)
“SINGLES DO NOT HAVE THE SUPPORT NEEDED TO STAY TRUE TO LIVING A LIFESTYLE IN THE WORD AND MAINTAINING CELIBACY PROUDLY BECAUSE SOCIETY SAYS IT MAY NEVER HAPPEN AND WE HAVE TO SEIZE THE MOMENT WHILE WE CAN.”
When I speak to God, God is telling me to wait, be patient, don’t let the negative words trip me up. God knows what He is doing. I used to wonder what if I did not like the person God chose for me or if it did not work out? I was doubting God. He knows better than I do, because had I listened earlier in my life, the life I hoped for and planned out when I was six, married with children, educated, in a nice house living with my husband, would have been fulfilled. I lived with someone to see if it was possible, so I know I can do it, but when it came time for them to purchase a ring and take the next step, they found reasons why they did not want to. Looking back, God showed me I was not mature enough to be in that relationship and it was not right for me, but my question was answered, can I live and share my personal space with another human being? Learning from my bad mistakes has showed me it is very necessary to pray about every relationship, every decision. I involved God in my past relationships, but not enough to listen and follow His word. Now I know, as long as God is involved, which ever direction my relationship goes, I will accept, because I am seeking and praying for His will and direction for our lives. No matter the outcome, we are friends and will always be friends.
Singles need to encourage one another to do what is pleasing to God!
